I'm used to it....

"I'm used too it" a phrase I hate. An emotional state that should never have been developed. It's a point in your life where your no longer surprised by what has happened and how people have treated you. Instead of crying or laughing or getting angry. You can't even be bothered to put that emotion into it because you know this will happen again.

What makes it worse is getting used to it, is never said for a good term. I'm getting used to being bought flowers. No. That's never said. I'm getting used to being pushed to one side and hurt. That people throw around. People stopped arguing and starting bitching they no longer resolved things they "couldn't be bothered" so they waited for it to build up and then everything explodes.

This has all developed in 1 generation because my parents had they gotten into a fight they would throw a few punches and yell. But now we throw a "come at me bro" someone backs down and then months later a fued is still brewing. Has someone said they are getting used to being hurt. No one would take that. The lads would take you some where to find a new bird and the girls. Would go on the prowl. And by that is don't mean dressing in dresses so short they might as well be tank tops.

Everything used to be done with more class. Everything was explained. No miss communications. Other than at the door you either kissed her good night or her dad would ruin it. That's what I need class. Maybe then will I stop being used to it and I will be bothered again.

(C) jade petchey 

Darkness Vs Light

She stood there in the dark alone crying, wondering when it was going to get easier that feeling in her mind. That presence constantly standing behind her. She knew this wasn't right, it was all in her head but it was getting stronger day by day she felt more of herself being pulled away and its figure stepping into place. It was clawing at her memories taking every part of her soul. 

She was told about this she was warned had she just listened she wouldn't be waiting for the pain. She wouldn't be waiting for her own conscience to be disturbed and destroyed. She stood staring alone, completely alone she saw people walk past she could see them talking but couldn't reply she just remained. She didn't move. Staring as she felt the world slowly slip away from her, almost like she was falling asleep. 

Her mind was staying strong she was fighting, she was being shoved, pushed, hit and kicked. Her mind was not going down without a battle. That's when the darkness began to clear she saw one other figure more of a shadow standing opposite her, as she looked down she felt heavy, she was wearing armour. She felt rage inside of her. She knew this was no longer reality but a battle she was going to fight. This was not going to be easy but that dark figure that presence was not going to win. Not if she had anything to do with it. 

She stepped forward and so did the figure, the centre was lit by a single spotlight neither of them where in the middle. If she could not see the figure does that mean it couldn't see her? Was it as blind as she was? She stepped forward one more time the figure moved the same once again, her heart began to beat faster, she could hear thumping around her she could feel the tension rise, she stood tall strong she knew this was war. The time had come to fight it or let it win. No chance. 

She began to run faster and faster, closer to the light the figure was a woman, she screamed in rage anger building she was going to be heroic her own voice yelled back still a dark shadow. Just as she touched the light she saw its face, her own. Shock ran through her only to be smothered by rage. She was going to fight herself and she was going to win, this darkness was not going to prevail. She stood into the light, but only she stood there. No longer did she feel the shadows presence. 

It was as if it couldn't touch her, couldn't hurt her. The light that one single beam of light. If she stepped away the darkness would once again prevail walking rings around her because she could not see. Now she could see, she could see the world, she could see colours, she could see and smell and hear. She was no longer drowning, she breathed deeply and opened her eyes. She was greeted by his smile, and his hand. She took it and the darkness simply. Melted away...

(C) jade Petchey 3/2/15